Maintaining and Building Meaningful Connections Online
Nikki Kett, Boon Coach
Technology and social media has greatly increased our ability to easily be connected with the entire world very quickly. In many ways we are more connected, but in many ways we are less. In the past few years, I’ve actually made more of my friends online than ever before. However, navigating and maintaining these relationships can feel overwhelming at times, and when we don’t know how to manage it it can leave us feeling more disconnected than ever.
When we are connected instantly, there is also pressure to respond instantly. That may leave us trying to respond to our emails, texts, DMs, and social media comments all at once. Maybe you struggle with the guilt of not being able to respond to the 6 different texts you are getting at once, all while trying to maintain your focus on the team meeting that’s happening on Zoom in front of you. We don’t do justice to just how exhausting managing multiple modes of online communication can be. By the end of the day, we can feel completely burnt out even if our work load wasn’t heavy. Maintaining your relationships online can be a struggle, and if it creates anxiety for you, you’re not the only one.
Here are four important things you can start to think about to increase the quality of your online relationships while decreasing your level of anxiety. Within each topic, there are reflection questions that you can journal on to start your exploration.
Check Your Beliefs About Connecting Online
Your beliefs about whether it’s possible to maintain & build connections online is an important thing to consider before you get started. If you don’t believe it’s possible, you will interact with people online from the place of “it’s not authentic to connect online” or “nobody really wants to connect here.” Think about your interactions on your social media accounts and over email – how are you interacting and how are you showing up? Do you show up as if your connections are meaningful? Chances are, if you don’t believe they are, you won’t bring your full self to the connection.
Setting Intentional Connection Time
So often when we’re just mindlessly scrolling, we can miss the human being behind the post or the interaction we’re reading. Remind yourself that there is a beating heart behind each post and email you read. How would you interact with someone if they were standing right in front of you face to face? When you’re engaged deep in conversation with someone, you’re not going to be halfway into the connection –you’re fully present with what’s happening.
What are the things that take you out of presence in your interactions in person? Those same things apply when you are interacting on the phone, FaceTime, email or social media accounts. The quality of your interaction is going to depend on the intention you set and how you show up and interact.
What is Your Purpose for Connection?
Maintaining relationships online can feel overwhelming because there are so many people that we can keep in touch with – high school friends, college friends, family, friends of friends, etc. Who are the people that you really want to maintain relationships with? What qualities do they hold? Are there things that maybe they bring out in you that you want to do more of? What is the purpose of the relationship for you? Are you looking to build a friendship, are you looking for a mentor or building connections for the purpose of networking? Or are you just trying to gain “as many connections as possible”. Sometimes quality is more important than quantity.
Setting Boundaries Around Your Interactions
What boundaries do you set around your interactions? It’s so easy to feel like we are accessible to everyone at all hours of the day. But it’s up to you to decide how and when it is appropriate to use our internet connections. How do you want to feel as you go through your day? When you get bogged down responding to every email and text message immediately, how is that sucking your energy? What is the fear that comes up if you didn’t respond immediately?
How can you communicate your boundaries to people? Are you willing to tell your friends you may not respond while working because you don’t want to be distracted all day? Again, if you feel the need to respond right away – what do you fear might happen?
You can always get curious before you go back into your phone or email – what is the purpose for using this right now? Is there something I might be avoiding by picking up my phone and mindlessly interacting? How do I want to be in my life and my interactions? How can I be more present?
As you can see the basis for intentional connection is to ask yourself important questions before interacting. So often our days and connections on the internet can be mindless. Remote connection is truly possible when we create the same energy around it that we would in person. Maintaining great relationships comes through intentionally creating space and time for the people and things that are important in our lives.
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