The Gift of Presence
Anne Sayles, Boon Coach
This fall has tried to return to the normal hustle and bustle of the holiday season, but with social dense distancing and the concern around travel — is it?
Have we learned from last year’s experience with zoom holiday parties and family meals over screens? I am reminded of my childhood and sitting on my father's lap watching the fireplace and taking in all the lights on the Christmas tree. Sounds of the season drifted over the radio waves into our living room. In the calmness as we sipped our hot chocolate and just enjoyed being there.
How often these days do we just sit with our loved ones? Not filling the air with mindless chatter as we scroll through our social media feeds. I was recently on a bus watching four women on a vacation together, they each had their phones in front of their faces as they carried on a conversation at the same time. I was struck by the lack of actual substance in the conversation. Sure, they were just making dinner plans, but they never even looked at each other for 15 minutes.
How often are we present with each other, is it a skill that we've lost? You would think it's an easy thing to do just to be present in the moment but oftentimes we've forgotten how to just be. The good news is it's also a skill that we can practice.
Stop multitasking
In our modern-day and age, the skill of multitasking has been raised up on a pedestal. In reality, our brains function by switching back and forth to the many different things that were working on at one time.
So the next time you find yourself multitasking, try and focus on doing one thing at a time and only doing that one thing. Resist the urge to Google the name of the actor in the movie that you're watching, if you're going to scroll Instagram then just scroll Instagram. Be aware that you're spending time just doing one thing. if you're standing in line for something, keep your phone in your pocket and just be there in the line.
Are your mind and body in the same place?
It's happened to all of us — we've been driving in the car and the next thing you know you are at home with no recollection of the journey there. Have you taken a walk with your dog and when you are done you've spent the whole time thinking about work? Not the sun on your face, the gentle breeze, or how happy your dog is to be out of the house. Since you were lost in thought you missed the whole experience.
Take the time to be fully present in whatever activity you are doing. Take a moment to see what it's around you. Listen to the sounds that you hear close and the sounds that are far away. What does the air feel like on your face?
Focus on your breath
The easiest thing to be present in your breath. When you feel your mind drifting away take a pause, notice how the air feels coming into your nostrils, how it expands your ribs, and lifts your chest. Feel how the air leaves your body in a rush, how it empties your lungs.
Just sit there
Mindfulness doesn't have to be an intense practice. It's actually quite easy. People set the goal of meditating for 20 minutes for the next two weeks. This becomes too big of a task to feel realistic. Set the goal of just being present for the moment. The next minute be fully aware of your surroundings.
You can do it right now. What's happening around you? What do you see, hear, smell? It doesn't matter if it feels pleasant or unpleasant good or bad it just is without judgment if you find your mind wandering, just pull yourself back and take a breath.
Being present isn't a goal in itself, it's the gift that you give yourself to fully engage with life at the moment. It's the gift of being fully present with your loved ones. As you sit reading this post, notice the pull of gravity holding you in your chair, the sound of the environment around you, the smells that filled the air. The rush of air pulls in your nose, then the warmth of the air as it leaves your body. That's it, that's living in the moment.
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