We’re Always Doing the Best We Can

Anne Sayles, Boon Coach

“In any situation, with what we have, we always do the best we can. It’s impossible to make a mistake.” - Bruce Schneider

Do you have an inner critic? One that bashes you when things don’t go the way you expected? For many of us, that inner voice isn’t always so positive. How do you adjust that self-critic and strengthen your self-compassion and work on self-acceptance?  

How the Past Impacted You

First of all, everyone goes through life with a certain set of filters on how they see the world. These filters come from our past and they impact our present. Depending on our past experiences these filters shape how we interact with the world and the way we view ourselves.

These filters shape our inner guiding voice, and that voice can be very self-critical.

Becoming Aware

Many times, our choices and values are based on our past experiences. Having awareness of that helps us see our past conditioning. This allows us to reflect on a situation that may be similar to a past experience and choose how we want to respond in the present moment to create a different outcome.

Self-Compassion

“If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others.” - The Dalai Lama

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is compassion. By being more accepting of yourself you realize you are doing the best you can in any given moment. It’s not like you set out to do your worst in life. Offering yourself kindness, patience, and nonjudgmental understanding are the cornerstones of self-compassion. If you can’t give yourself compassion, how are you going to give it to others?

When you can look at yourself with acceptance you increase your understanding of your shortcomings, and you can then take the next steps to address them moving forward. Instead of beating yourself up over a mistake you can rephrase and think of what can be learned from this experience? 

Growth Mindset

By using acceptance, you can see where you are today, then use those learnings to grow and develop in the future. View challenges as opportunities for growth. It may take hard work, good strategies, and even input from others. When that inner critic shows up and you are comparing yourself to others, find out what makes them successful and employ those same strategies. What strengths do you have in common?

Be Grateful

Yes, gratitude! By focusing on the things in life we are grateful for we move the attention away from the things we are lacking. As you embrace gratitude you may even see that you find more and more to be grateful for each day. Try starting a gratitude journal, or even take a walk to spur your thoughts.

Regulate your Bandwidth

Are you over-committed? Sometimes we try to give so much of ourselves there is nothing left in the bucket. If you find yourself over-giving, you may be depleting your potential.  Generosity can be a good way to employ compassion, but you need to find the right level for you. Make sure you can meet your own needs before you find yourself overextended.

Be Present

Using mindfulness you can positively impact self-compassion. Try to experience life in the moment without judgment. Let go of your expectations and just let it be. Allow yourself to experience your emotions and thoughts, listen to hear what they might be telling you. Let them be and then let them go.

Give yourself some grace, life is a never-ending learning opportunity. Working with a Boon coach can help you identify when your inner critic flares up, and help you create strategies that work for you.