Communicating with Others When Your Boundaries Have Been Pushed
Cator Sparks, Boon Coach
How many times has a co-worker invaded your space to chat and you wish you had a privacy dome automatically envelop you? What about when someone touches your pregnant belly, or hair, without asking? Our boundaries can often be pushed in the workplace, and it can be a perplexing situation to navigate. Boundaries are what we create to help us feel safe and respected. It isn’t always a personal space issue. Co-workers can ask nosy questions about your personal life or freely give their opinion on how you should handle a situation. We must remember, oftentimes, others are not bucking our boundaries maliciously, they simply are unaware of what yours are.
Here are some tips on how to communicate with others when they are pushing your boundaries to the limit:
State your boundaries- You can simply say, ‘Thanks for the compliment, but please ask next time you want to touch me.” Or let them know you want to keep your personal life personal.
Speak from the heart- Caught a coworker reading your emails or digging in your desk? Calmly let them know that this hurtful and comes from a place of distrust. Let them know they can come to you and ask about said topic and you would be happy to address it.
Speak and repeat – Sometimes it takes a few reminders for people to remember your boundaries. Always use ‘I’ statements so it doesn’t sound accusatory. Ex: “You always talk over me!” vs. “I don’t feel respected when you talk over me.”
Distance yourself from this person – If someone continues to push your boundaries, politely tell them you need a break in your relationship with them. This can be hard to do but it can also be greatly rewarding. The less drama in our lives the better.
If you don’t speak up, change won’t happen, so connect with a Boon coach to help you define your boundaries and discuss how to speak up when they are pushed.
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