Is Goal Setting a 4-letter Word?
Kathleen Fariss, Boon Coach
When I think about goal setting, there are dozens of methods to move through the process to ensure you arrive at the end, having accomplished your goals. What I have found most important is envisioning how you want to be in that season, ending the year having celebrated it, and then reverse engineering how you arrived there.
One method we use in our family is looking at all areas of our lives, mapping out goals in each of those areas, and then putting steps to each of them to ensure we achieve them. Our vision of the future then magically becomes a reality. Sounds simple right?
Then you add self-sabotaging behaviors below the surface: imposter syndrome, mindless triggers we give energy to in the moment, peer pressure from friends or family, mission creep at work, our endless laundry list of things to do, and most importantly our inability to pause and shift our mindset to say “no” to others so we can say “yes” to our self. It’s in these behaviors that we let ourselves down and then become part of the population who have lots of great ideas but no execution of goals.
Let’s change that today!
It’s all about choice.
It becomes an intentional choice, a mindset shift, and a belief that our goals matter to elevate our lives so we can then give back to others along the way.
“The fruit of your work grows on other people’s trees.” Peter Drucker
How do you want to be? What is your why for 2023 and beyond? A family tradition is to start a new year by selecting a word for the year that is carried into professional life. Our word for 2023 is intentional. We want to be intentional with ourselves, our clients, our family, and our community. Without intentionality, all good intentions are only ideas that float around in our heads and don’t find their way to action.
We then review our purpose, talk about our why and write those out on a large post-it paper as part of our yearly process. We make it fun by having lots of office supplies, a comfy, distraction-free space, and ensure we are good stewards of ourselves by having self-care snacks, drinks, and focus items with us such as a fidget spinner.
Having a strong “why” rooted in your purpose, makes achieving goals possible as the future comes to you like a magnet, pulling you towards those goals and allowing you to naturally put all your energy towards achieving them.
Kitten. Squirrel. Diamond Ring. All that’s shiny and distracting. Where to focus? Looking at our lives as a whole, map out smaller areas of focus and then decide on one big goal for the year. For example, lose 50 pounds, get certified in a new tool, buy a car, pay off debt, or get a degree.
Listed below are some examples of what goals could be in each of these areas broken down into measurable outcomes:
Personal Goals - Read Atomic Habits in January. Put 30 minutes on the calendar Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 7 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Place the book next to your reading spot, along with a pencil (Paper Mate Sharpwriter #2 as details matter) and a pad of paper that makes you smile, to take notes on.
Health Goals - Move your body 5 times a week for 30 minutes at 7 pm. Block the time on your calendar. Share with your partner what your goal is, and ask for “milafuzzy” (I made that word up out of warm and fuzzy and get your *ss up off the couch) support to ensure you do it. Place your workout clothes by your bed along with anything you need to support going to the gym or dancing in your garage.
If all else fails, you can use what Mel Robbins suggests: the 5-second rule = 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Get up! Go do the thing. Pivot. Move. You can also look at using an app to support you.
Professional Goals - Complete the WiLD Leaders Executive Fellows program by placing time on your calendar to attend the training for 10 months and map out time to do the reading outside of the virtual sessions. Attend Friday WiLD talks by blocking time and not allowing anything to push it out. Stay in the community by posting on Linkedin twice a week about WiLD and asking your partner to pitch in to do the household items that need to be done while you are focused on doing this work.
Financial Goals - Map out how to be debt free by 2025 by putting together a budget with all expenses/revenues, tracking them through the Dave Ramsey process, Quickbooks or you can use an app.
The hardest part is getting out of your own way and having honest conversations about what you are willing to give up in this season to reach your goal and what work you might need to take on in order to achieve this goal. You can check out some ways to do this on my friend Rachel’s website (Money hacking Mama).Relationship Goals - Deepen your relationship with your partner by scheduling a date night for Friday night after work. To support this, on the Sunday before, discuss with your partner who will be planning the next date night, agree upon what you will be doing, and then block out time on the calendar.
A good tool is the Paired App, in addition to Sunday accountability calls and daily stand-up meetings to stay in communication and deepen your understanding of each other's needs. After 35 years it is working for my hubby and I!
S.M.A.R.T Goals - Once we map out the goals in each area we use the S.M.A.R.T. goals process: Are they Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound to ensure we can move them forward.
Find Your OWN (Optimal - Winning- Nourishing) Way! Once you have done all of this good work you have to put some process in place to support moving it forward, evaluate if you are on track, and look at trends in behavior to modify anything getting in your way along the way.
I like to use Smartsheet, my friend Julia Toothacre, a career strategist who lives by ClickUp, and another peer of mine, Zack Swire, founder of Top Coach, suggests using Ninety.io. You can also consider using Trello, or Asana depending on what front-end user interface works best for you. If nothing else, start with a journal that makes you smile, move to Google Docs, and then one of these above. Start where you are. Just because the routine works for your bestie doesn’t mean it will work for you. Pick a routine and give it all you got.
It’s easier to start by adding one thing, to frame your mindset around doing that one thing. Again, start where you are! One goal I have weekly is taking out the trash and washing the towels in the house on Wednesday. After I do it, I fondly announce to my hubby, “I did my one job.” Although it is technically two jobs, it helps me stay in routine and holds me accountable to do the thing.
I also love to use large post-it paper, 4 and 12-month wall calendars, and at times, W.I.P = work-in-progress boards. Miro is an online collaboration tool that you might also consider using if you like technology to map out your path forward.
Intentions matter!
Intention setting is key and the time of the day is up to you. Some people do it in the morning and some in the evening. You have to figure out your operating manual and then operate from a place of flow and strength.
I think back to my childhood and getting ready for the first day of kindergarten. I spent a lot of time being excited about learning, then looked through my closet and laid out the special outfit I wanted to wear. I filled my backpack with school supplies and got ready to enter this new world, feeling good about it and ready to achieve the goal. The goal of learning, showing up on the playground to have fun, arriving in the classroom, spending time in the play kitchen (that was my reality back then), and allowing myself to be creative to solve whatever problems came that might get in the way of getting to ride the red tricycle during recess (my goal day one of kindergarten).
Adulting is hard!
Shifting our mindset and implementing a process sounds easier said than done, and this is why they matter. Our mindset allows us to move our lives forward and make things happen instead of life happening to us and then we arrive at a space of stuckness, confused as to how we arrived here.
I share with our Boon clients and my private clients that we don’t wake up every morning saying we are going to fail, not show up and do our work, not cook dinner, and not spend time with our kiddos.
When we don’t intentionally show up for ourselves by living into our purpose, having a strong why and putting a strategy and process in place to support doing the things we set out to do we fail. We fail ourselves and others.
Some questions to ponder:
How would it feel if you showed up for yourself every day?
What would showing up for you look like?
What would the ideal day in the life of you look like?
Who would be with you on that ideal day?
What would you be doing on that ideal day?
You are going to bed tomorrow evening, what do you want to remember?
“If you can dream it, you can do it.” Walt Disney
Over the course of my career, I have achieved top goals such as launching a not-for-profit, and raising $15 million for a regional library and technology center, launching a global family business institute, and conducting 167 presentations in one year. I have also failed to achieve small goals like showing up for a family party, forgetting an item at the store, or not getting certified in a tool all because I did not have a strong why, and a process in place to support my goals.
Visions can become reality with a strategy, written/typed plan, intention, and focus.
“The best gift you can give to yourself is to invest in yourself.” Pooja Agnihotri
When we spend too much time in the “human doing” space instead of the “human being” space we don’t manage our energy well and we are not focused on the current moment. Our goal is to learn to be more awake and fully present so we can show up for ourselves, direct our energy where it needs to go, and thrive.
Some resources I have found helpful in allowing me to rewire my brain to learn to be more awake and present have been learning more about myself through Enneagram and other assessments, reading books like The Power of Now, A New Earth, Mindset, having a daily practice of meditation and mindfulness, learning more about the brain and how it can derail us, and letting go of limiting beliefs through R.T.T and coaching with one of my coaches Michelle Molitor, online therapy and HeartMath practice I have done with my dear friend Kristin Kawamura for almost 3 years.
There is not one path to success. The path you create becomes your path forward.
“You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it yourself. “Glinda, the Good Witch, The Wizard of Oz
I joke about this all the time. The first time my boss early in my career asked me what support I needed. I said, “I have a bra so I don’t need any support.” That was a deflection as no one had asked me that before and/or I wasn’t ready to hear and receive it. Darn childhood trauma!
There are many keys to success! Share what support you need with others and you will be surprised how your community will grow around you to support you and how much more successful you will be at achieving your goals and checking off boxes (ENTJ preference from my MBTI coming in here).
Let’s all work on saying yes to ourselves more. The world needs us to operate from a space of wholeness. Let’s be willing to, “learn and edit” as my dear friend Dr. Rob McKenna, founder of WiLD Leaders said.
Most importantly…Breathe. Five deep breaths in your nose, hold for a second or two, and then out your mouth. This gives oxygen to all that is unique and special about you and allows more access to possibilities!
You got this! I believe in you, friend. Now you need to believe in YOU!
Hugs.
Coach Kat
