Navigating Emotions in the Workplace
Nikki Kett, Boon Coach
The idea that emotions don’t belong in the workplace is still a common mindset. Emotions can be vulnerable and scary. Recently, however, there is more and more conversation and awareness around mental health in the workplace and the need to acknowledge it. To bring our whole selves to work, means addressing that we are human, and as humans we are emotional beings. When we try to push this fact away we end up limiting not only our own potential, but also our ability to build real connections with the people and teams that we work with.
Our emotions serve a purpose – to keep us safe from threats and to seek out things that bring us pleasure and joy. Ultimately, we cannot control our brain’s initial emotional reactions. Being human means that our automatic, reptilian brain is going to react emotionally. The problem is that in today’s world we are constantly bombarded by things that cause our brain to react. Not only can work be overwhelming and stressful, but the daily events in our lives and world can cause a build up of emotions in our bodies, and we aren’t taught the skills to process through them.
How we respond to things in our work environment can be impacted by the belief systems that we hold and the experiences we have had that shape the way we see our world. In addition, the lines between work life and home life are blurred more than ever, so we can carry the weight of our home life into the workplace which can cause is to have stronger reactions to stresses we feel at work.
The good news is we can learn to experience and regulate our emotions in the workplace so they don’t control us. Additionally, when we look at our emotions with curiosity instead of making them mean that we are weak or something is wrong with us, we can gain insights into our thinking and if it serves us. Our thinking patterns are automatic, but slowing down enough to understand what stories we are telling ourselves gives us more choice into how we respond at work and can allow us to be more resilient in how we deal with challenges.
When things happen to us, they trigger emotions. But in between our circumstances causing emotions are thoughts that are creating a response in our body. Next time you experience emotion in the workplace can you challenge yourself to lean into it with curiosity?
Here are 4 steps to start processing your emotions in the workplace:
Step 1. Identify. Where is the feeling or emotion showing up in your body?
Step 2. Label. What emotion or emotions are there?
Step 3. Allow. Allow the emotion to be there without pushing it away and remind yourself it will pass.
Step 4. Investigate. What is causing this emotion? What are all of the thoughts that I am having in this moment?
Typically, in the triggering moments of experiencing strong emotions, our brain tends to start rapidly throwing thoughts at us. Throughout the 4 steps, can you continue to breathe and connect in with your body? This will help calm some of the thoughts down.
When you have 5 minutes to take this work one step further you can do a thought download on all of the stories that are running through your head in order to create more space between them and how you feel.
Here are some prompts to guide you:
What are you thinking about yourself in this situation?
What are you feeling?
What do you think about the people involved?
What are you worried might happen?
How are you judging yourself?
How are you judging others?
After you have gotten these thoughts out onto paper, now you can start asking – are these thoughts actually true? How can I see things from a different perspective that allows me to move forward? What might I want to start believing to create the result I am looking for?
When we allow for emotions instead of avoiding them and pushing them away, we actually gain insights into our thought patterns and belief systems and if they serve us in our growth. Our emotions tell us where our edges are, and working with them gives us the ability to reach new levels of our potential. When we avoid emotions, they still unconsciously drive our behaviors and can cause adverse health effects in the body –sickness, overthinking, digestive issues, chronic stress, etc.
Leaders and managers who recognize and own their own emotions, have an increased ability recognize them in their employees. Creating this space can deepens connections within teams and create psychological safety, – the best predictor of high performance within teams. Simple questions such as “hey, you seemed a big upset after [circumstance], just want to check in with you and see what’s happening for you.”
This creates a space for employees to check in with themselves and name what they are feeling and feel heard and cared for. As we navigate continuous uncertainty in the workplace with COVID and other external stressful events, getting a feel for where people are is even more important and shows that you care.
Let’s create environments that allow us to slow down and acknowledge how we’re really doing so we can process through and work with the things that keep us stuck so we can reach higher levels of growth and transformation.
Want to give your employees the space to manage and process their emotions in the workplace? Coaching can support them in that.
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